Learn how to Say No and Not Really feel Responsible: An Interview with Kevin G. Harney https://chrisonet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/KevinGHarney.jpg
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Kevin G. HarneyAre you overwhelmed along with your to-do record? Do you are feeling responsible whenever you say “no” to something? Had been you taught that “no” is a unclean phrase? Do you assume saying “no” is an indication of weak point? What does the Bible say about saying “no”?

Bible Gateway interviewed Kevin G. Harney (@KevinGHarney) about his e book, No Is a Stunning Phrase: Hope and Assist for the Overcommitted and (Sometimes) Exhausted (Zondervan, 2019).


Why do individuals say sure to requests product of them after they actually wish to say no?

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Kevin G. Harney: I believe Christians really feel pressured to say sure as a result of we expect it honors Jesus. We image our Savior serving, sacrificing, loving, and caring and we wish to be like him. To an extent, that is good and wholesome. We ought to search to be like Jesus and care as he does. However, none of us is ready to meet each want, care for each individual, and say sure to each alternative. Not even Jesus stated sure on a regular basis. There have been many occasions Jesus stated no due to his knowledge and love. There are additionally individuals who say sure reflexively as a result of they’re afraid of the results of claiming no. They wish to be liked and revered. They want to look succesful and compassionate. They’re anxious that others will really feel harm, offended, or delay. So, they take what looks as if the simple path and simply say sure.

Why is it harmful to say sure when you must say no?

Kevin G. Harney: Each one among us has restricted time, vitality, and assets. If we are saying sure to all the pieces, we’ll find yourself exhausted, empty, over-extended, and bitter. I’ve seen this time and again in individuals who’ve develop into “Yes Machines.” I’ve had many individuals inform me, “I just can’t say no!” They really feel powerless and cornered. These individuals have stated sure so many occasions that their schedules are loaded and their minds and our bodies are weary.

One other hazard is that individuals who can’t appear to say no are magnets for unhealthy people who find themselves masters at manipulating and utilizing others. The results of claiming sure time and again once we ought to say no is a lifetime of bondage to the whims and expectations of others. This will injury our bodily well being, weaken {our relationships}, trigger emotional turmoil and bitterness, and result in non secular brokenness.

What do you imply whenever you write that “every yes is a no”?

Kevin G. Harney: Image an individual strolling down a protracted buffet. Sooner or later, their plate is full. They’ll’t match on yet one more scoop of meals or stability yet one more roll on the pile they’ve loaded on their plate. In the event that they slide on yet one more meals merchandise, one thing will fall off the opposite facet of the plate. That’s precisely what it’s like when an individual has stated sure to so many issues that their life is jam-packed. They haven’t any extra time or vitality to offer; their plate is full. However, if they’ve a tough time saying no, they nonetheless attempt to load on yet one more factor. Once they say sure to something new—after they creatively search to slip it onto the plate of their life—one thing falls off the opposite facet of the plate. Generally, they barely discover. When our life is full, one other sure is definitely a no. Sadly, the factor that falls off the plate is usually way more vital than the brand new factor they tried so as to add. What usually falls off is household, well being, or time with Jesus. When your schedule and life are full, each sure is a no.

What do you imply whenever you write that “every no is a yes”?

Kevin G. Harney: Nicely, when your plate is full, and also you wish to do one thing new or recent, it’s essential to begin by saying no to one thing. You really take a look at your life and take away one thing, inform it no, do away with it. If you do, you’ve got area on the plate of your life to say sure to one thing new. Each time you say no to one thing, you open your schedule and reclaim a few of your vitality. This frees you to say sure to what issues most.

When my three sons had been younger, I needed to educate their soccer groups. Over a decade I used to be the coach of greater than 20 groups and it was an absolute blast. However, to do that, I needed to say no hundreds of occasions. I’d get calls from pals to play golf on a Saturday, to go to a film, or to do any variety of issues. I stated no time and again and over for ten years. Saturday was soccer time. I stated no to my very own wishes, hobbies, and free time so I might say sure to serving my boys, creating reminiscences, and investing of their lives. Each no was an opportunity to say sure to what mattered most.

Why is “no” a lovely phrase?

Kevin G. Harney: Saying no in a prayerful and cautious approach results in freedom, pleasure, and well being. It additionally permits us to say sure to what God says issues most. Jesus stated that his “yoke is easy and his burden is light” (Matthew 11:30). Once we carry the burden of our personal expectations and wishes, or, once we succumb to the pressures of others and say sure to all they anticipate from us, we’ve got no margin to hunt first the dominion God is establishing (Matthew 6:33). Once we be taught to say no to all of the calls for that come our approach (besides those God has for us) we breathe deep, we decelerate, and we discover relaxation and pleasure as a result of we don’t really feel consistently overwhelmed and manipulated.

How did Jesus mannequin the idea of claiming no?

Kevin G. Harney: In Mark chapter one, we see a day within the lifetime of Jesus. After a protracted day of ministry, Jesus lastly falls asleep after which will get up early within the morning to slide away and get time with the Father. Not lengthy after Jesus will get away, the disciples observe him down. They let him know that each one the individuals again within the city are searching for him and need him to come back again. Actually, they needed to see extra miracles, hear extra educating, and have Jesus to themselves. Jesus stated no! He instructed his disciples that it was time to maneuver to the subsequent city so he might preach and educate there. He completed by saying, “That is why I have come” (Mark 1:38). Jesus set boundaries and let the mission of the Father drive his life ahead, not the whims and wishes of the crowds. We now have rather a lot to be taught from our Savior.

How ought to an individual guard in opposition to turning into a “no monster”?

Kevin G. Harney: We should to be taught to say no, however we have to do not forget that we don’t say no for the sake of claiming no. We do it so we are able to declare daring and Jesus-honoring yeses. The very best factor we are able to do when individuals make requests of us, or once we obtain invites, is to say, “Let me take some time to pray about that.” Then, we actually pray. If we pray, search knowledge, and weight every request in opposition to God’s Phrase, we’ll have knowledge for each sure and each no.

What’s a favourite Bible passage of yours and why?

Kevin G. Harney: One among my favourite books of the Bible is 1 Peter as a result of it was the primary massive portion of Scripture I dedicated to reminiscence. I did this in faculty once I was coping with a wide range of temptations. Each time I felt the enemy close to, I’d start reciting this highly effective e book of Scripture. This unleashed reality, knowledge, and a deep sense of God’s presence.

One among my favourite passages is Matthew 9:35-38. It’s Jesus’ name for us to hope and ask the Lord of the harvest to ship staff into his harvest discipline. The necessity for each believer to achieve out to misplaced and damaged individuals has by no means been extra profound. I imagine on this a lot that my spouse and I’ve began and lead a company referred to as Natural Outreach Worldwide (organicoutreach.org). We assist church buildings, actions, and denominations develop their dedication to the Nice Fee of Jesus (Matthew 28:16-20).

What are your ideas about Bible Gateway and the Bible Gateway App and Bible Audio App?

Kevin G. Harney: I take advantage of the Bible Gateway App nearly day by day. I hearken to massive parts of Scripture as I work out, drive, and work round the home. I find it irresistible.

Additionally, I develop a day by day studying information for the congregation I serve each week of the yr. This information will get them prepared for the approaching week of worship and the sermon that’ll be preached. On this studying information on our church web site and church app we’ve linked our church members to Bible Gateway. It’s a strong and sensible software that blesses so a lot of our church members.


No Is a Stunning Phrase is printed by HarperCollins Christian Publishing, Inc., the father or mother firm of Bible Gateway.


Bio: Rev. Dr. Kevin G. Harney (B.A., Azusa Pacific College; M.Div., Fuller Theological Seminary; Doctorate of Ministry, Western Theological Seminary) is the lead pastor of Shoreline Church in Monterey, CA. Kevin can be the co-founder and the visionary chief of Natural Outreach Worldwide.

He’s the writer of many books together with: No Is a Stunning Phrase, the Natural Outreach trilogy of books, Reckless Religion, Empowered by His Presence, and plenty of different books and curriculum. He and his spouse Sherry have written over 100 small group examine guides (in partnership with Max Lucado, Mark Batterson, Ann Voskamp, John Ortberg, Christine Caine, Dallas Willard, Randy Frazee, Gary Thomas, and others).

Kevin does talking and coaching (each nationally and internationally) within the areas of Natural Outreach and Church Management.

For extra in regards to the ministry of Kevin G. Harney please go to www.kevingharney.com.

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Learn how to Say No and Not Really feel Responsible: An Interview with Kevin G. Harney

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