Some dad and mom embark on the nice job of elevating a baby already satisfied of a selected parenting technique. They’ve achieved the analysis, learn the books, scoured the boards, and have made up their minds. Different dad and mom embark on the nice job of elevating a baby with out having put any substantial thought into methodology. They haven’t accomplished the hours of analysis, haven’t learn the books, haven’t scoured the boards, and principally intend to be taught as they go. What’s outstanding to me is that oldsters from each camps will be profitable. I anticipate we’ve all identified fantastic dad and mom who’ve raised fantastic youngsters by means of following—or not following—a selected technique. And I anticipate we’ve all identified dad and mom whose chaotic parenting virtually begged for a technique or dad and mom whose too-rigid parenting truly introduced hurt to their youngsters.
I used to be not too long ago performing some analysis on the subject of household and encountered Andreas Kostenberger’s ideas on the advantages and disadvantages of following parenting strategies. I discovered that his ideas are fairly much like mine. Right here’s my abstract of the benefits and drawbacks of following a selected parenting technique.
First, following a technique provides confidence to the dad and mom that they’ve a plan and a objective of their parenting. By researching, studying, and implementing a technique, dad and mom may have an general plan and objective in thoughts, and hopefully one that’s deeply grounded in biblical ideas. They are going to know their calling and know what they hope to perform in and thru their youngsters.
Second, following a technique gives predictability and consistency. Dad and mom will likely be unified of their general method to parenting, and be unified within the nitty-gritty of parenting, like laying down expectations and responding to youngsters’s good or poor conduct. Kids will likely be assured within the expectations which can be upon them.
Third, following a technique binds dad and mom along with others who observe the same method. Such likeminded dad and mom can type supporting communities (whether or not in the true world or on-line) to debate successes and failures and to make sure they’re correctly following the strategy.
But there are additionally some potential drawbacks with following a technique. Clearly, the best of those is that the strategy itself is defective or unbiblical. However placing that apart, and assuming that the strategy is drawn from the Bible, what different drawbacks may there be?
First, following a technique may give false confidence in parenting. Within the short- or medium-term, a technique can ship ends in conditioning youngsters to keep away from detrimental penalties and pursue constructive ones. But strategies which can be too inflexible can inspire youngsters to insurgent within the long-term as they start to realize their independence. Such rebel typically doesn’t turn into seen till the youngsters are effectively into their teenagers. In the meantime, strategies which can be too lax can depart youngsters undisciplined or unprepared for all times on this world.
Second, following a technique can take the emphasis off folks and shift it as a substitute to ideas. There’s all the time the hazard that we regard youngsters as little tasks greater than actual folks. There’s all the time the hazard that parenting turns into summary fairly than deeply private—the mere following of ideas as a substitute of the cautious shepherding of souls.
Third, following a technique can scale back the individuality and uniqueness of every little one. Whereas it’s clear that every one youngsters want affirmation and self-discipline, the particular varieties could should be as distinctive because the people themselves. Strategies could compel us to deal with all youngsters as if they’re the identical fairly than in search of the methods wherein they’re every distinctive.
Right here is how Kostenberger summarizes.
A correct method to parenting wants to depart satisfactory room for the relational part in parenting. Christian parenting needs to be undergirded by knowledge derived from meditation on Scripture, the filling of the Holy Spirit, recommendation from others (that is the place high quality literature will be very useful whether it is balanced and primarily based on biblical ideas), and relational expertise with the kid. Finally, we needs to be cautious to not depend on anybody human technique that, regardless of how biblical it could declare to be, is all the time one step faraway from the Bible. Our supreme belief needs to be in God and in his Phrase, and we should humbly acknowledge that our understanding of Scripture is to not be equated with the instructing of Scripture itself.
It appears to me that we, as dad and mom, can and will be taught from strategies, however be very cautious about following them too rigidly. We should all the time guarantee our confidence in parenting has not subtly shifted from the goodness of God to the efficiency of methodology.