In a single glittery episode of Intercourse and the Metropolis, Charlotte consoles Carrie over a disastrous date, perkily declaring she shouldn’t fear as a result of “all the pieces occurs for a purpose.”
Watching the episode, it was simple for me to grant Charlotte and her stilettos as a lot knowledge because the Dalai Lama. “Everything happens for a reason” is a comforting thought. It renders each stumble as a mandatory compass guiding our life’s path. Like most of us, I used to be well-acquainted with battle, however most of my harder life experiences fell below the milder classes of that’s too unhealthy or such a disgrace however none had been actually tragic or traumatic. I had solely identified the sting of secondary sorrow however had by no means truly endured it first-hand. Justifying such occasions by some form of divine or cosmic reasoning appeared easy and smart.
I cringe now at how I attempted to make use of that “wisdom” to console associates who had been grieving. Even when distant, mindless tragedies skated across the outskirts of my life, I clung to the notion that there actually is a purpose these issues could be taking place, we simply don’t understand it but. It’s simple to say this if you’re not clutched within the iron fist of grief, wrestling with that hardest query of all: Why?
Till you might be.
For me, realizing the shortcomings of “everything happens for a reason” was as vivid because the autumn leaves on October 29th, 2018, on what ought to have been the blissful day of glimpsing our third youngster in the course of the first ultrasound appointment. However after we ought to have heard a heartbeat, there was solely a deafening silence; the stillness of the little type was dizzying.
Within the fog that adopted, I attempted to lean on that outdated Intercourse and the Metropolis knowledge to illuminate my very own understanding of why this occurred. Solutions are comforting and uncertainty is agonizing. If I might determine the why, I might forestall this from taking place once more. I might be again in management. However docs weren’t in a position to give a solution as to why this had occurred, aside from saying that typically, it simply can.
Generally cells that we wish to thrive don’t, and we’re confronted with the time period miscarriage.
Generally cells that we don’t wish to thrive do, and we’re confronted with the time period most cancers.
Generally minds blessed with the power to suppose freely and select love determine to comply with a darkish path as a substitute, which may intersect terribly with harmless lives.
Generally, there simply isn’t a purpose for struggling, and saying there may be solely makes the query of why louder: “Am I being punished for something?”; “Why does the lack of my liked one’s valuable life should be the reminder for others to cherish theirs?”; “What if I did one thing otherwise that day?”
The 2 syllables and 6 letters that comprise “what if” maybe maintain extra damaging energy than every other phrases.
After we are bombarded by despair, the wake of destruction left behind can really feel too sprawling to ever totally restore. However because the skies clear and the mud settles, a lone construction stays towering over the mountains of rubble, maybe weathered and smoldering however nonetheless standing nonetheless. This construction is just not man-made, however created by God, and it may well by no means be demolished regardless of what number of occasions anguish assaults. It’s a pillar of hope, illuminating the haze.
This hope reminds us of God’s deep love and care. He cradles us within the darkness and lights the trail as we stumble ahead. It’s hope that His promise of “plans for a hope and a future,” applies to us and we aren’t forgotten; that His highly effective palms are nonetheless delicate sufficient to sculpt magnificence from ashes. Jesus’s phrases “I’m with you all the time” means we aren’t treading in opposition to a tearful present alone; He’s crying with us as a result of He totally is aware of and understands sorrow and ache. The Holy Spirit is granting us the power and beauty we have to press on after we don’t really feel like we are able to, so we are able to smile and chuckle and really feel pleasure once more.
There’s hope that those that mourn are certainly blessed, those that fall are certainly carried and those that are sick are certainly healed, on earth or in Heaven. It’s a hope that we’ll see our family members once more in a joyous, everlasting reunion, and a hope that claims whereas our life’s pages could also be dog-eared and tattered, our story solely begins on earth. In the meantime, the divine epilogue is healthier than we might have ever written ourselves.